Please tell me who I am

 

 

Who am I? what am I? Just what I am.

 

When being a Mexican-Puerto Rican-Cuban- American it’s hard to feel like you belong in any of the

 

cultures I named. I remember watching Selena and hearing her father tell her that it’s hard to be a Mexican-American “We have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time! It’s exhausting!” I remember laughing when he said that but also thinking that he was right. Growing up and to this day I battle trying to show people that I am not so called “whitewashed” and that I embrace my culture. But deep down knowing that I am a third generation Latino-American and being a person of mixed race I have nowhere to connect too.

Growing up in a dominant Mexican community filled with first generation peers I felt that I did not have the connection that everyone else had. My grandparents from my father side left Cuba and came to America before they had my father. They were granted citizenship and never returned to Cuba. On my mother side, my grandmother was born in Puerto Rico and as for my grandfather he was born in Mexico but was given citizenship after marrying my grandmother, later having my mother.

My grandparents from my father side left Cuba for a better future and better opportunities and when they finally arrived in America they did not want anything to do with Cuba. My father was raised to preferably speak English because my grandparents were desperate to learn English and to fit into the American life. Since my father was not taught much about his roots he couldn’t pass down any wisdom. As for my grandmother on my mother’s side she was raised to know both English and Spanish fluent. Just like Jorge Duany explained in his article Nation, Migration, identity: The case of Puerto Ricans my grandmother was sent to America to find work. While she was here she had to embrace her culture and be prideful, but when she would return to Puerto Rico she had to embrace her Americanism. When she had my mother she would send her to live in Puerto Rico every other year so that she could be familiarized with the culture. But, Puerto Rico was changing; they started teaching English in the schools and American history. Suddenly there was no reason for my grandmother to send her out there.

               Slowly my parents and grandparents became more and more Americanized and neglected to embrace their traditions. As the white complexion third generation Latina I am I try very hard to familiarize myself with my culture.  My siblings struggle in speaking Spanish and do not celebrate any traditional customs. It is very sad to see generation after generation allowing their culture pass through their hands. I fear that when I have children they well be victims of losing a piece of their identity. Even though I do what I can to expand my knowledge on the roots and ancestors I belong to, I feel that I will never have that connection that first generations do.